My Own Scam Baiting

I'm not trying to be anything like the guys over at scambaiters.com, those guys are the best. However, I couldn't resist going after this one:

I was on craigslist looking at apartments when I came across a listing in Brooklyn for a one bedroom for 900. I couldn't resist such a fantastic deal especially one so close to an N train. Of course I should have used my better judgment, but I just had to try so I sent the usual query email. This is what I got back.

Re: Apartment
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 2:14 PM
From:
"anna2jenkins@aol.com"

To:
thelastslacker@yahoo.com

Hello,
Thank you for your interest. I have available the apartment located at 8235 4th Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11209, with 1 bedroom, 1 living room and 1 bathroom.I want to rent the apartment at this price because I moved with my job in United Kingdom, London. I can rent you the apt for max. 2 years because I have a contract here for this period. The rent for 1 month is $900 including all utilities (water, electricity, Internet, cable, parking, air conditioning, fireplace, dishwasher, garbage disposal, microwave, refrigerator). You can move in the apt in the same day when you receive the keys. The only problem is that I'm the only person who have the keys but I hope that we will find a compromise.Thank you for your interest and wait news from you.

So now the scam is officially on

Poor grammar, an out of town landlord, and fireplace aside, the big tip off came when she mentioned a parking space. You could spend a thousand dollars building your own parking space and someone else would already be parked there.

Here is my reply:

Re: Apartment
Thursday, June 12, 2008 12:08 AM
From:
"Dave"

To:
anna2jenkins@aol.com
I am very interested in seeing the apartment before I make a commitment. Do you have anyone near here that you could send the keys to? Or possible send me some more photos? I am very interested especially in the parking space as I have a very large car that needs parking.

Thank you

I'm really fascinated by the parking

If anyone has any ideas as to what I can do with this scammer please let me know. I'm sure they'll ask for a key deposit or possibly make me sign a lease unseen (or just ask for the deposit) so I may ask them to send me some forms that I'll need notarized for a small fee drawn on their bank. I'll be thinking up something while I wait for a reply.

In the meantime I'll keep you posted.

Here is a worthless use of my time

Brought To You By Adult Toy

It is good to know I've got an ok chance against a bear, and I can fuck up a house cat.

Golem Has Passed

My 12 year old Madagascar gecko has passed away. He was a 2 year old widower when I first got him, he had eaten his wife. He had traveled from Blacksburg to Winchester, and from NOVA to New York. As a young one he sat on my shoulder while I did homework, then when he got older he sat on his favorite fake branch and bit anyone that dared put a finger near him, except for me.


Today he had a burial at sea (The Hudson), so I took him on one last trek through the city. Along the way I decided to turn him into an impromptu art project. He would have wanted it that way. I don't have any pictures of him actualy going into the Hudson. I had to do that covertly so no one would think I was dumping a toxin into the river, as though anyone would notice.


Here is Golem's last journey:


























Golem: 1996 - 2008







Prints available in the lobby.

The Horn That Blew For Five Minutes

It wasn't an accident it wasn't on fire, it was just stuck in traffic right outside my window. A driver sitting at a green light blocked by the traffic that tried to cross decided that it might help the situation by laying on the horn for a full five minutes. At first I was annoyed but eventually that mutated into a strange admiration. Here was a man so annoyed with the fact that he wasn't going forward that he had to give voice to his disdain. Not in the typical slew of profanities that frequent such situations but in a slow steady obnoxious tone that seemed to be pointed directly at my window. For a full five minutes he gave noise to his rage, making sure all those around him were aware of his dissatisfaction. However, the shear force of his horn, the air emitting from it's mouth, was not enough to move the car in front of him. In the end only the patience of waiting for the light to change a second time was enough to clear the path ahead and send him on his way.

This is the end...

... you're not my friend so you're really not my only friend... the end.

So it finally happened, or rather I forced it to happen, but the old "M" and "C" less HP laptop is no more. After many a frustrating time typing without the afore mentioned keys, I finally launched the final fuck you in the form of a mouse to the screen. I admit I do let my anger get the better of me, but in my defence I was aiming for the wall and missed, at point blank range no less.

The old HP was no stranger to abuse. Besides those damn missing keys it had "fallen down" due to it's own clumsyness and not because it had refused to start up. And on one occasion I tripped over the cord and broke a speaker cover, that time it was an accident.

Forced to purchase a new computer I rushed over to the Mac store, that's right the Mac store. I am now a member of an obnoxious community of "serious" computer users. That's right no more cool games for me, now I'll be using the full video editing, photo manipulating, podcasting, abilities of my macbook to play Line Rider for hours on end and settle bets with the use of imdb.com. So even if I'm not using it's full capabilities it is nice to know that I'll have to ability to put together a documentary on the history of lint, or produce a podcast dedicated to independant movies of Chile (note I said that with the "a" sound at the end). Now if you'll excuse me I have an overwhelming desire to purchase a Venti Soy Latte from Starbucks.

The picture posted below have been entered into evidence...

But I don't want to be a hippie

I'll start off by saying I have nothing against hippies. I have nothing against anyone I believe you should live your life and not force your values on others, which is one of the many reasons why people confuse me with a common hippie.

Here are my other problems:

1. I have long hair.

2. I use organic cleaning products.

3. I have a beard.

4. With the exception of seafood, I don't eat meat.

5. I believe war should never be entered into until all diplomatic means are
exhausted. Ok so that ones not totally hippie like.

6. I would like nothing better then to live in a remote cabin in the woods and not
have to be dependent on others.

7. I believe all drugs should be legal.

8. I dream of being able to live off my own creativity.

So these are my problems. On the surface I resemble nothing more then you average hippie. I title I long to distance myself from, however, there are several things preventing this.

First of all my long hair and beard. I was not blessed with what some may call "good" genes. In other words I have no chin and without facial hair I look like a 12 year old girl. When I cut my hair short I look like the dorky side kick in a John Hughes movie. Consequently I am forced to cover as much of my facial features as possible.

Second my use of organic cleaning, and health and beauty products. This goes back to that "good genes" issue. I'm very sensitive to chemicals and perfumes. I'm starting to think my parents were related.

My decision to not eat meat isn't absolute. But I do have to watch what I eat because it's not hard for me to gain weight as I learned in college and there is a history of diabetes in my family, as well as alcoholism, and money laundering. I also never liked red meat all that much but I am from the Chesapeake Bay so I can't turn down seafood not now not ever. And for some reason when I smell bacon I must eat bacon.

As far as my views towards war and drugs I don't think my beliefs fall under the category of hippie but I would like to see one substituted for the other.

My dream to live away from society comes from living in New York. Believe me if you lived in New York for even a month you'd want to get as far from another living person as possible. I'm pretty sure my neighbors are in my shower and the subway stops at the foot of my bed. That's why one day when I have the money I'm going to buy a remote cabin surrounded by trees fill it full of guns and become that crazy legend every small town is required to have. That's why you'll also see those animal charity banner ads at the bottom of my page. Frankly I hate people. Not that people I know and like, but people in general.

Finally my choice to live a life devoted to using my own creativity. I've never been good at math.

So that's me and that explains me. I'm not a hippie but I can see how others would make that mistake. Fortunately I have a strong beliefs in the second amendment and a kitten pelt farm that usually sets people straight.

It Haunts Me

Everyone has that friend they stay with despite the pain they cause. Someone who monopolizes their time and leaves you with little reward. For me the monster is a script.

I've been working on this script 8 years. Not continually, I have left it for other projects and ideas. However, I always coming back to this monster in a box. Sorry for lifting from Spalding Gray but it was apperpoe.

I won't go into the details of the story but I will tell you that when it began it was a 40 page svelt young short. After years of rewriting it fattened up to 220 page obese spoiled child. I set it aside for a number of years then got back to it and turned it into a flat 100 page pile of nonsense.

Now I've issued an ultimatum. It has one month to turn around or I'm going to put it up for adoption or just flat out abandon it.