This is the end...

... you're not my friend so you're really not my only friend... the end.

So it finally happened, or rather I forced it to happen, but the old "M" and "C" less HP laptop is no more. After many a frustrating time typing without the afore mentioned keys, I finally launched the final fuck you in the form of a mouse to the screen. I admit I do let my anger get the better of me, but in my defence I was aiming for the wall and missed, at point blank range no less.

The old HP was no stranger to abuse. Besides those damn missing keys it had "fallen down" due to it's own clumsyness and not because it had refused to start up. And on one occasion I tripped over the cord and broke a speaker cover, that time it was an accident.

Forced to purchase a new computer I rushed over to the Mac store, that's right the Mac store. I am now a member of an obnoxious community of "serious" computer users. That's right no more cool games for me, now I'll be using the full video editing, photo manipulating, podcasting, abilities of my macbook to play Line Rider for hours on end and settle bets with the use of imdb.com. So even if I'm not using it's full capabilities it is nice to know that I'll have to ability to put together a documentary on the history of lint, or produce a podcast dedicated to independant movies of Chile (note I said that with the "a" sound at the end). Now if you'll excuse me I have an overwhelming desire to purchase a Venti Soy Latte from Starbucks.

The picture posted below have been entered into evidence...

But I don't want to be a hippie

I'll start off by saying I have nothing against hippies. I have nothing against anyone I believe you should live your life and not force your values on others, which is one of the many reasons why people confuse me with a common hippie.

Here are my other problems:

1. I have long hair.

2. I use organic cleaning products.

3. I have a beard.

4. With the exception of seafood, I don't eat meat.

5. I believe war should never be entered into until all diplomatic means are
exhausted. Ok so that ones not totally hippie like.

6. I would like nothing better then to live in a remote cabin in the woods and not
have to be dependent on others.

7. I believe all drugs should be legal.

8. I dream of being able to live off my own creativity.

So these are my problems. On the surface I resemble nothing more then you average hippie. I title I long to distance myself from, however, there are several things preventing this.

First of all my long hair and beard. I was not blessed with what some may call "good" genes. In other words I have no chin and without facial hair I look like a 12 year old girl. When I cut my hair short I look like the dorky side kick in a John Hughes movie. Consequently I am forced to cover as much of my facial features as possible.

Second my use of organic cleaning, and health and beauty products. This goes back to that "good genes" issue. I'm very sensitive to chemicals and perfumes. I'm starting to think my parents were related.

My decision to not eat meat isn't absolute. But I do have to watch what I eat because it's not hard for me to gain weight as I learned in college and there is a history of diabetes in my family, as well as alcoholism, and money laundering. I also never liked red meat all that much but I am from the Chesapeake Bay so I can't turn down seafood not now not ever. And for some reason when I smell bacon I must eat bacon.

As far as my views towards war and drugs I don't think my beliefs fall under the category of hippie but I would like to see one substituted for the other.

My dream to live away from society comes from living in New York. Believe me if you lived in New York for even a month you'd want to get as far from another living person as possible. I'm pretty sure my neighbors are in my shower and the subway stops at the foot of my bed. That's why one day when I have the money I'm going to buy a remote cabin surrounded by trees fill it full of guns and become that crazy legend every small town is required to have. That's why you'll also see those animal charity banner ads at the bottom of my page. Frankly I hate people. Not that people I know and like, but people in general.

Finally my choice to live a life devoted to using my own creativity. I've never been good at math.

So that's me and that explains me. I'm not a hippie but I can see how others would make that mistake. Fortunately I have a strong beliefs in the second amendment and a kitten pelt farm that usually sets people straight.

It Haunts Me

Everyone has that friend they stay with despite the pain they cause. Someone who monopolizes their time and leaves you with little reward. For me the monster is a script.

I've been working on this script 8 years. Not continually, I have left it for other projects and ideas. However, I always coming back to this monster in a box. Sorry for lifting from Spalding Gray but it was apperpoe.

I won't go into the details of the story but I will tell you that when it began it was a 40 page svelt young short. After years of rewriting it fattened up to 220 page obese spoiled child. I set it aside for a number of years then got back to it and turned it into a flat 100 page pile of nonsense.

Now I've issued an ultimatum. It has one month to turn around or I'm going to put it up for adoption or just flat out abandon it.

Removing an 18th level Gygax from your party

Geek blogs all over America will be posting their own mourning messages for the late Garry Gygax, Dungeons and Dragons creator. I only spent one summer in middle school as a paper Wizard and spent most of that time dying and being revived, that fucking magic missile ain't worth shit. It was my inabilities with the dice that kept me from being invited back the next summer, that and I kept yelling, "roll to see if I get laid."

Family

I am obsessed with this family.



I don't want to judge them. I mean really who the hell am I to tell other people how to live? But personally I think the idea of having that many kids is obscene.



That said my real question is how far down the gene pool can you go before things start getting a bit thin?

Will the 12th kid never have the ability to tie his shoes?
Does the 14th kid cry uncontrollably whenever someone uses the microwave?

Another thing, going by averages, 1 in 5 people living in America are gay. That means these good upstanding religious folk have two gay kids. I'm putting my money on 3 and 11.

My wife asked me how do you control that many kids. My wife was fortunate enough not to be raised under the thumb of Christianity. Christians have this great invisible babysitter called Jesus. Jesus is better then the boogeyman. If you instill the fear of Christ in a kid enough he'll grow up never wanting to enrage his invisible overseer. Hell if you're really good at piling on the fear he won't masturbate until he's 25. Of course by then if he there happens to be the slightest questioning of his faith he'll be loading up a Uhaul with C-4 to take out a Bob's Big Boy he believes to be an affront to Jesus.

I'm not casting any type of judgment but I just think before you start using your offspring count to brag about how many times you've had sex just think about how many unwanted kids are out there. Maybe the real Christian thing to do is take care of the lives already here first.